Who I Am
by MoonyistheBestMarauder
Summary: AU. Remus and Sirius have been together for almost five years. But what happens when Sirius gets into a spot of trouble and forgets everything for the past half-decade? Will their love pull through? Or will Remus just give up? RLSB slash.
1. Chapter 1

_**This is my first story to publish on this site! I am a Wolfstar freak (Remus/Sirius are my OTP) and I've been thinking about this story for a while, ever since I watched Overboard for the millionth time. The title comes from a line in I Won't Give Up by Jason Mraz, a song that goes really well with this story! R&R! :)**_

_**~Moony**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything you might recognize!**_

Remus Lupin sat curled up in his armchair, the tall lamp illuminating the otherwise dark room. He was reading a novel that he'd received as a birthday present that he'd been eager to read forever. However, as he turned another page, he realized that he barely knew what the story was about. He glanced at the clock again, scowling as he did so.

3: 39 AM. Remus sighed, closing the book once and for all. He tossed it onto the coffee table and leaned his head in his hands, massaging the bridge of his nose. He leaned back in the chair, twirling the gold band around his finger, a clear sign to anyone who knew him that a certain someone was on his mind.

He looked up immediately as his keen werewolf senses heard someone outside the door. Soon enough, there was a thud at the door and the sound of keys jingling outside. Remus sat up, as the door opened and Sirius Black stumbled in.

Remus scowled at the black-haired man who didn't notice his presence. It was clear to the brunette that Sirius was definitely drunk. Remus wasn't surprised at his lover's state, a fact that made him scowl even more. He got to his feet wearily and made his way to Padfoot.

"Sirius." He acknowledged stiffly. Sirius spun around, hiccupping slightly.

"Moons…" He started, giggling slightly. He stumbled towards Remus, who watched him disapprovingly. After a moment, he wrapped Sirius' arm around him and helped him to the bathroom, where he splashed cold water onto his face, making Sirius jump. He turned on the shower and helped Sirius undress and rinse off. Remus couldn't stand the smell of alcohol.

Moving to the kitchen, Remus searched the cabinets for a Sobering Solution. At last he found the bottle, with only a couple sips left. He sighed, making a mental note to get more tomorrow.

Quickly forcing Sirius to drink the potion, he threw him some pajamas and waited for him to come to his senses.

Sirius blinked a few times and looked around. "Oh." He said quietly, before changing into the clothes. Remus watched silently, keeping his lips in a thin line. Finally Sirius couldn't take it anymore.

"Oh, go on, already!" He said, throwing his arms up into the air. "Lecture me, reprimand me, yell at me! You know you want to!"

Remus raised his eyebrows, staying quiet. "Fuck, Remus, you're going to at some point, why not get it over with now, huh?"

"Fine." Remus whispered, leaning against the doorframe. He paused for a second before losing his cool completely. "Merlin, Sirius, what the fuck were you thinking? Where the fuck were you, huh?"

Sirius sighed. "We got back late from the mission, okay? You know I don't know how long those things take!"

"Yeah, and I suppose it was protocol to get drunk, huh?" Remus scoffed angrily.

"We finished around two o'clock and went out to celebrate, okay? It was Frank's birthday!" Sirius continued. Remus crossed his arms.

"You couldn't have called? Or at least sent a Patronus? Or something? You know how I worry, Padfoot, you knew I'd be up all night pacing!"

"I told you to stop doing that! I'm fine! I'm an adult, I can take care of myself!" Sirius retorted furiously. Remus' amber eyes narrowed.

"Really? Because, judging by your state, you can't!" Remus shouted. It was almost scary how quickly things could explode between the two.

"It's not your bloody job to take care of me, you're not my mum!"

"No, but I am your husband! And if I don't do it, who else will?" Remus responded in a quieter tone, taking a step towards Sirius.

"Look, Rem, I'm sorry, okay? I messed up, I get it!" Sirius said, half frustrated, half pleading.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry. That's all I ever hear!" Remus complained. "You mess up and mess up, over and _over _again, and every time I have to listen to you give me pathetic excuses and expect me to accept that! And you know what the awful part is? The goddamn awful part is that I always do! I always forgive you, and I'm _sick _of it Padfoot!"

"What do you want from me, Remus?" Sirius asked hopelessly. Remus stared at him before shaking his head in defeat.

"What do I want? I want you to start _trying, _Sirius. I want you to grow up. James grew up for Lily, so why do you still refuse to grow up for me?" Remus looked at him, eyes burning with tears. "I'm so tired, Padfoot, I'm _so _tired of cleaning up your messes…"

Remus broke off, tears streaming down his tan cheeks. He put a hand over his eyes, and the other on his hip, trying to regain his composure. Sirius watched his lover helplessly. He hated it when he made Rem break down. It broke his heart. He just… didn't know what to do.

_It's not my fault I want to have a bit of fun every now and then, _Sirius thought angrily. _And it's not my fault Rem's too uptight to have fun himself. _

"I hate this." Remus muttered, wiping away his tears.

"This wouldn't happen if you weren't so uptight." Sirius froze. He hadn't meant to say that out loud. Remus' head snapped up. "Shit, I didn't mean to say that." He said quickly.

"So now this is my fault?" Remus said, tears long forgotten. Sirius gulped before responding.

"Well, you could try to loosen up a bit." He said, refusing to back down. Remus gaped at him.

"I'm sorry I'm responsible!" Remus cried. "I'm sorry I'm _acting my age!_"

Sirius snorted. "Yeah right! You've always been like this, ever since first year. It's nothing to do with age! You _never_ let James and I have _any_ fun!"

"That's because your 'fun' always consisted of torturing others!" Remus snarled defensively.

"Oh, of course, Remus Lupin _always _knows best, is that it?" Sirius laughed derisively.

"That's not even what we're talking about! We're talking about how _you,_" Remus poked Sirius hard in the chest with his index finger, "make everyone else's life hell just so you can have a good bloody time!"

"I didn't realize I was such a burden on you!" Sirius said sarcastically. "And here I thought you actually _loved _me."

"I don't know why I do!" Remus cried, making Sirius freeze. "Falling for you was probably the worst thing I did in my life. I hate the person I have to be when I'm with you, and I hate you!"

Sirius stared at him openmouthed while Remus clenched his teeth and took deep breaths. The two lovers stared into each other's eyes, Remus in anger, Sirius in slight hurt and hopelessness. As he stared into the grey depths, Remus felt his anger fade away. _How could I say that to him? _Remus thought. _I _love _him. He knows that right?_

Sirius drew back after a minute, a hard expression coming over his eyes, shielding any emotion from showing through. "Well, I'm sorry our relationship is such a mistake, Remus." He said coldly.

Without another word, he left the bedroom, carefully shutting the door behind him. Remus stared at the closed door, mouth dry and empty. He mouthed his love's name, but didn't call after him. Remus fell against the bed, running his hands through his tawny hair in complete hopelessness.

_What have I done?_

* * *

_**If you liked it, review so I am inspired to continue (I have a problem with finishing things I start... but don't worry I WILL finish this) and if you didn't like it, review so I can improve! No flames please!**  
_


	2. Chapter 2

_**This chapter is in honor of Sirius Black, who (I just realized) died sixteen days ago on this day. I just cried for an hour, and I just wanted to say… I LOVE YOU PADFOOT!**_

_**Yay! I had nothing to do for the rest of the day, and I had already worked on this chapter, hence the fast update. This kind of turned out different than I expected, but I'll keep uploading quickly, I promise! **_

_**~Moony**_

A minute after Sirius had walked out of the bedroom, Remus had heard the front door slam, and Remus knew that he was probably going on a walk to clear his head. Remus, however, couldn't even move.

He sighed and leaned back against the soft pillows. The moon had been two days ago, and he was still a bit snappy. He had let Moony get the best of him, yet again. Sirius knew he hadn't meant what he said, right?

He felt tears sting his eyes at what Sirius had said. A mistake. They _weren't _a mistake. They may get into a lot of fights, but they still loved each other… didn't they? Remus still loved Sirius, that's for sure. He didn't know what he'd do without his Siri.

Before Hogwarts, Remus had been so lost. His parents had kept him from making friends, worried that he'd get hurt. When he'd met the James, Peter, and Sirius, he thought it was too good to be true. Three friends? He'd been so careful to keep his lycanthropy a secret, and when they had found out in second year, Remus felt his heart break. But then they hadn't cared! In fact, they had wanted to _help _him. And they did, by becoming Animagi. Remus was in pure heaven. They were unstoppable. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs; the Marauders.

But as they neared the end of their school years, Remus found himself once again on the edge of self-repulsion. He hadn't told anyone, but he had been terrified of the prospect of going out into the real world. He knew his lycanthropy would make it impossible for him to get a job, and he didn't know what to do. He couldn't live off his family's money forever, and though he knew his friends would be more than happy to help him out, he didn't want to become a burden to them. But then he'd gotten a call from the Daily Prophet (the _Prophet!_) asking him if he'd like to write for them. The editor of the paper had a cousin who was a werewolf, so Remus' condition didn't bother him. Remus was practically elated. He'd been writing for them ever since, making a small, but constant, income for himself.

After graduation, he had moved back in with his parents for a month before buying a small flat with Peter. James and Sirius had bought their own cottage together a few blocks away, and the four friends had stayed as close as ever. But a few months later, Peter had gotten a job offer in Wales as a Healer, and Remus found himself without a roommate. The rent was so bad, he thought he'd have to move back in with his parents, but then James had proposed to his girlfriend, Lily, and Remus had moved into the cottage with Sirius. James and Lily had bought the house next door and had it redone into what it was now.

Later that year, Lily was four months pregnant, and Sirius and Remus decided they'd had enough of the small broken down house, and had found this flat in the center of London. It had been more expensive, but Sirius had just been promoted to a real Auror, so they'd been able to afford it.

Lily had given birth to a small boy named Harry at the end of July. Sirius was named godfather, so they had been forced to baby-sit Harry all the time. Well, 'forced' is a bit of an exaggeration. Sirius almost begged Prongs to let him take care of the little rascal.

It had been exactly three months later, on Halloween, when things changed. You see, in fifth year, Remus had started secretly pining over his best friend and almost-brother Sirius. It had driven him a bit insane, but, being Remus, he had managed to keep his emotions/hormones in check. Unfortunately, contrary to his beliefs, it had not been a small phase, and had lasted through his school years, turning into full-fledged love in the fall of Seventh year. Remus had readily accepted that Sirius (being Sirius) would never love him back, but the feelings stuck with him nonetheless.

But then, on October 31st 1980, a drunken kiss had led to a whole other story. Remus still remembered every last detail.

_ "You can't do that, Pads!" Remus shouted angrily. He got some strange looks from some other people at the Halloween party, but he didn't care. Sirius drew back, unfocused eyes confused._

_ "Do what, Moony?" He asked, sobering up a bit._

_ "You can't kiss me like that." Remus said, looking down. "Especially when you don't mean it." He added in a whisper._

_ Sirius leaned closer. "Who says I don't mean it?" Remus looked up hopefully before regaining his downtrodden expression._

_ "You're drunk, Pads." Remus said without emotion. Sirius raised an eyebrow mischievously._

_ "Am I?" He asked in a challenging voice. Remus narrowed his eyes in confusion before looking away again._

_ "Yes, Padfoot, you are. Now please, go annoy Prongs or something." Remus said, watching as Padfoot tried to get Lily to dance with him._

_ "I'm not drunk, Rem." Sirius whispered hotly into his ear. Remus jerked away. He had to admit, he did sound _very _sober at the moment._

_ "You downed almost six bottles of firewhiskey. Yes, you are." Remus said again, not swayed. Sirius smiled and took Remus' hand, pulling the werewolf to his feet as he stood up._

_ "I'm surprised you fell for that, Remmy. I'm a Black. We don't get drunk that easily." Sirius said quietly._

_ Remus widened his eyes. "But… why did you kiss me?" Remus asked, heart rate speeding up._

_ "You see, Moons, some people kiss because they want to. And I've wanted to for a _long _time." Sirius had said before leaning in for a second kiss, one that Remus eagerly returned._

Sirius, it turned out, had started getting infatuated with Remus at the end of Seventh Year, and over the years, had fallen in love with the werewolf. It had taken them no time at all to start a relationship, and (if possible) fall even more in love with one another.

Two years of absolute bliss passed by in the blink of an eye, and on January 1st, 1982, Sirius had actually gotten down on one knee, and pulled a ring out of his back pocket. They were married on April 29th, 1983, and despite their rough patches and constant fights, life had been perfect. He loved the way Sirius made him feel, and, despite what he may have said, falling in love with Sirius had probably been the best thing he'd ever done.

Remus sighed, hoping Sirius would come home soon. They're two-year anniversary was in about a month, and Remus really hated fighting with Padfoot. But a part of him was still mad at the Animagus. He wasn't lying when he had said he was sick of Sirius' ruthless and careless ways. He had enough to worry about as it was.

After his musing drove him to boredom, Remus drifted off into a light slumber, forgetting their one rule of thumb: never fall asleep angry.

When Remus awoke in the morning, Sirius was nowhere to be found, but there was a blanket and pillow on the couch, so Remus knew that Sirius had made it home last night. It was nine o'clock, so Padfoot had already left for work. He sighed at the lost opportunity to make up with Sirius, and wondered if his partner was as torn up about their fight as he was.

Pushing his worries to the back of his mind, Remus busied himself with making a kettle of tea. Sirius always made fun of his obsession with the drink, but Remus had always ignored him, saying that Sirius' obsession with dog biscuits was weirder.

Fifteen minutes later, Remus was halfway through his mug of tea, and a quarter of the way through that day's edition of the Daily Prophet. That's when the phone rang.

Remus sighed and set down his tea before hitting the green button on the phone and bringing it up to his ear.

"Hello?" He asked tiredly. There was an obvious commotion on the other end, and he could hear several voice talking worriedly before one louder voice spoke up.

"Moony?" It was James. Remus caught his breath at the urgent tone his friend used. "Moons, you need to come quick."

"What? James, where are you? Shouldn't you be at work?" James worked with Sirius at the Auror office. Remus was now wide-awake. He readjusted the phone in his hand, running the other through his hair.

"I'm at St. Mungo's. Remus…" James paused for a second, "Remus, it's Padfoot."

_** Haha, a cliffie! So yeah, we still haven't gotten to the real plot, but I PROMISE, it will be in the next chapter. This chapter pretty much revolved around Remus, but I love him so much, I don't care. :D **_

_**R&R!**_


	3. Chapter 3

**_Hey, I'm back! Well, it hasn't been that long... Anyway, here's chapter three! It's a bit longer than I expected, because I was going to end on a cliffie, but I love you guys too much to do that to you! Enjoy!_**

**_Oh, and as_**** for St. Mungo's location, I looked it up on HP Wikia, and it said that "one may step through the window of what appears to be a red-bricked, condemned department store called Purge and Dowse, Ltd. This acts as a magical gateway to the main building, much like the barrier at King's Cross Station to Platform Nine and Three-Quarters. The interior, on the other hand, looks exactly as a hospital should." So I just kind went from there... :)**

**~Moony**

Remus was in a panic. His body was working on autopilot as he grabbed his keys and locked the front door behind him. He Apparated as soon as the keys were in his pocket and ended up outside the front door of the fake Muggle department store, Purge and Dowse, Ltd. He stepped through the broken window and found himself standing in the midst of a long white hallway, crowded with patients, visitors, and Healers.

Remus approached the reception desk and, as he waited for a young witch to stop crying long enough to find the direction to her room, his mind wandered dangerously.

What was Sirius doing at St. Mungo's? He never liked the thought of Sirius (or James for that matter) being an Auror, but he had gotten used to the idea. Sirius regularly came home with cuts and bruises, some which were healed before he returned, and occasionally told stories of broken bones, but nothing major. He tried to assure himself it was nothing too bad, but remembering James' voice over the phone…

What if something awful had happened to Sirius? What would he do without his husband? He felt his blood run cold at the thought. What if Sirius died, and the last words Remus had said to him was "I hate you"? He was jolted out of his thoughts as the blotchy-faced young witch scrambled off down the hall and the receptionist waved him forward.

"Er, Black? Sirius Black." He said, barely recognizing his own distant and weak voice. The receptionist glanced down at the check-in list before nodding.

"Yes, he'll be in Room 409. Fourth floor. The elevator is right over there to your left." She said pointing down the hall.

"Thank you." Remus said in a whisper. His limbs shook as he pressed the elevator buttons and felt the lift shoot up, reaching its destination in only a second. The doors slid open and Remus came face to face with Lily Potter.

"Remus! Oh, thank Merlin, I was just coming to get you." The red-haired witch said, grabbing his arm quickly. Remus looked at her in confusion.

"Lily? What are you doing here?" Remus asked.

"Sirius is my friend too." She said defensively. "James left his wand at home this morning so I was dropping it off when I heard what happened."

Remus opened his mouth to ask exactly what happened, but his voice couldn't bear utter the words.

"James, I found him!" Lily cried. James' head popped out of a door at the end of the hall, worry on his face.

"Moony!" He said, a bit of relief in his voice. Remus, however, felt no such emotion.

"Where's Sirius, James?" He asked, wasting no time with formalities. James stepped outside the room and closed the door behind him.

"Remus, calm down—"

"I will not bloody calm down!" Remus snapped angrily, causing people to look their way, some in annoyance and others in pity. He lowered his voice to a hiss. "Tell me what the fuck happened."

James bit his lip. "There were some rogue wizards on the outskirts of Northampton, so Sirius, Gideon, and I Apparated over there to take care of it. I guess, they were ready for us or something, 'cause as soon as we arrived… it was like ambush, Moony. We defended ourselves pretty well, knocked out three outlaws myself, but, well, Padfoot got hit by a spell. We don't know what it was," he added as he saw Remus open his mouth, "but he's out cold."

Remus let out a breath he'd been holding. "But he's alive?" He asked in a timid whisper. James smiled and nodded.

"Oh, thank Merlin." Remus said breathlessly, putting his hands on his face as he bent over in relief. His throat felt tight and constricted as all the facts hit him.

"Can I see him?" He asked after he caught his breath.

James didn't respond, but just opened up the door. Remus rushed in, his heart still recovering from it's near break-down moments ago.

His mouth fell open when he spotted Sirius, fast asleep, on the hospital bed. His face was scratched and cut up in many places, and Remus went cold when it struck him how much Padfoot resembled him right after a full moon.

"Are you Mr. Lupin?" Remus jumped, not realizing he wasn't alone in the room. He looked towards the Healer who had spoken and nodded. She was young, probably only twenty or so, with short curly brown hair and dark brown eyes. She nodded back. "I heard you were coming. They said you're close to Mr. Black?"

Remus just nodded, understanding why James and Lily had left out exactly how close him and 'Mr. Black' were. Homosexuals might be able to be married in the Wizarding World, but it was still frowned upon.

"Is he going to be alright?" Remus asked before the Healer could say anything else. She smiled hesitantly.

"We don't exactly know what's wrong with Mr. Black, but there are no _physical _symptoms, so, he'll probably be just fine. Of course, we won't completely know until he's woken up, but I wouldn't worry too much Mr. Lupin." She said sweetly.

Remus let out a long breath, chuckling a bit. Her words reminded him of Sirius. _"You worry too much, Rem." _He'd lost track of how many times he'd heard that phrase come out of his lover's mouth.

"Do you know when he'll wake up?" Remus asked, much calmer now. She looked up from her paperwork.

"I'm afraid not. My bet is not for at least an hour, though." Remus nodded sadly.

"I'll just wait here, then." He said, taking a seat in the folding chair next to the bed. As much as he hated hospital rooms- they reminded him of when he had first been bitten- there was no way he was leaving Sirius.

The Healer opened her mouth to protest before nodding. "Alright, sir, if you want to. If you want anything to drink, there's a tearoom just upstairs. Call if he wakes up." She gave a timid smile before walking for the door.

"Thank you. Oh, and what's your name?" He asked to be polite.

"Emily Braun, sir." She said with a smile before exiting the room.

James and Lily came in and out of the room occasionally, asking if Remus needed anything or checking to see if Sirius' condition had changed. The Healer, Emily, came in every now and then as well, checking on Sirius' breathing and such, glancing at the clock nervously every twenty minutes or so. Remus, however, didn't move. He stared at his husband softly with an expression he never gave to anyone but Padfoot, even if he wasn't awake to see it.

He stayed in that folding chair for a long time, back straight, hands neatly folded in his lap. His senses were still quite acute from the full moon a few days ago, so every few minutes, he'd have to close his eyes tightly to block out the brightness radiating from all the _white _in the room, or to keep himself from throwing something at the clock whose second hand was ticking quite loudly.

It was on one of these moments when his eyes were tightly scrunched up when he heard a quiet moan come from the bed. His amber eyes snapped to attention, only to see Sirius wiping his face with his hands tiredly.

"Ugh, my head feels like it was hit by a bus." Sirius grumbled. Remus stared at him in exhilaration, not moving for a second before he stood up quickly, making Sirius jump.

"Moons?" He asked, before looking around at the room. "Where the hell am I?"

Remus didn't reply, just rushed forward and grabbed Sirius in a bone-crushing hug. Sirius gasped slightly before chuckling and hugging back.

"Geez, Moony, you sure are happy to see me." He said in a very Sirius way- no pun intended.

Remus didn't say anything, just kept hugging him. After a minute he drew back in order to kiss his love, but his oppurtunity was stolen when the door opened and Emily walked in.

"Your awake!" She said in surprise. Sirius looking past Moony and nodded in confusion. Remus backed up so the Healer could approach Padfoot.

"Do you feel alright, sir?" She asked, pulling out a Muggle stethoscope and pressing it to Sirius' chest. Sirius looked at Rem in utter confusion, nodding hesitantly.

"Um... yeah...?" He said, completely lost. Remus chuckled to himself. Seems like he didn't remember the mission at all. He must've been hit pretty hard after all.

"No aches, or sores, or symptoms of _any _kind?" Emily pestered. Sirius started to shake his head before groaning again.

"Actually, my head hurts like hell." He said, massaging his temples.

"Of course, that's to be expected. Here, just take this. It's a simple pain-reliever." She handed him a small green pill and waved her wand. Soon enough, a bottle of water zoomed into the open door. She opened it for him and he laid the pill on his tongue, downing it with some water.

"Whoa... that worked fast." He said, blinking quickly. Emily laughed.

"Yes, well, it's not exactly a _Muggle_ pill." She said happily. She nodded to Remus, making her way to the door once more. "Alert me if anything changes."

Remus nodded. "Oh, and could you try and find my friends? They're here somewhere-"

Just then James burst into the room, "What'd I miss?" He asked quickly. Lily trailed in right behind him, but in a more... graceful manner. "Honestly, James, the man's not dying." She said, rolling her eyes. Emily laughed and left the room, shutting the door behind her.

"It's good to see you, Sirius." Lily said sweetly to the raven-haired man, who just looked more confused.

"Did I get really drunk or something?" He asked, looking at Prongs. James let out an exhausted sigh.

"No, Pads. Just… no." James laughed in relief, and Lily rubbed her husband's arm comfortingly.

"Wait a minute, Lily, you look _really _different." Sirius said. Lily narrowed her eyes.

"What do you mean?" She asked suspiciously. Sirius narrowed his eyes in further bewilderment.

"I can't put my finger on it. Did you lose weight or something?" Everyone looked at each other gave each other blank glances. "And you got your hair cut!" Sirius laughed.

"What the hell are you talking about?" James asked. "She always been that skinny. And her hair's been that way for over a year now."

Lily lifted her hand to her hair that now reached her shoulders self-consciously. Sirius shook his head.

"No it hasn't."

"Yes it has."

"No it—"

"_Anyway…_" Remus cut in with clenched teeth. He absolutely hated it when James and Sirius started that stupid banter of theirs. "Do feel alright, Pads?"

Sirius shrugged. "My head still hurts, but I feel alright otherwise. It's just a bit weird… I feel like something's _missing. _Huh."

"You sure you're still a man, Padfoot?" James smirked and Lily punched him in the arm.

"Shut up, James, you know that's not what I meant." Sirius growled and Remus laughed happily. Everything was going to be alright. Sirius grinned at Moony, but then he frowned.

"Whoa, Moons, I don't remember you being that grey." Sirius commented. Remus ran a hand through his hair, frowning slightly. Even though he was only twenty-five, almost half of his hair was completely grey. But it'd been this way for a while…

"Geez, Pads, what is with you and people's hair today?" James laughed nervously. Remus looked at him and Lily in confusion, and saw that they looked a bit worried as well.

"Anyway," Sirius didn't seem to notice the exchanged glances, "you sure I didn't get drunk last night? I mean, I did drink a lot at the party."

"What party, Sirius?" Lily asked, not really sounding like a question. Her eyes were frightened, as were James' and Remus'.

"Oh right, I wasn't supposed to tell you." Sirius chuckled. "We went to a party for Frank's birthday last night, but you weren't supposed to know.

"There wasn't a party, Sirius." James said evenly..

"Yes there was! It was at Alice's house, remember? But Lily didn't come because she couldn't drink for some reason. God, why was that?" Sirius muttered to himself.

Suddenly a horrible thought hit Remus. "Sirius?" The Animagus turned towards him curiously. "What day is it?"

"What? How am I supposed to know, I was just out cold, you should be telling me—"

"Then what month is it?" Remus asked, not in the mood for Sirius' antics right now. Sirius looked up and started counting the months on his fingers.

"March? No, April. Wait how many days are in M—"

"_What's the fucking year, Sirius?_" James and Lily were watching the scene frozen, knowing exactly what Remus was on about.

Sirius simply chuckled. "Geez, Remus, I guess _you _were the one who got drunk last night—"

"Sirius!" All three exclaimed urgently. Sirius looked at them like they were all mental.

"Geez, okay! You guys are insane, if you ask me. Anyway, the year? Uh, 1980. Why?" Sirius said innocently.

Remus felt the blood drain out his face. He opened his mouth, but he couldn't speak.

"Merlin, Pads…" James started shakily. "Sirius, 1980… that was five years ago."

_**[This was where I originally planned on ending it, but, luckily for you, I decided to continue!]**_

Remus' hands were wrapped comfortingly around a warm cup of tea that he had no intention of drinking. He just stared into the brown liquid, his only movement being the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed.

He felt James sit down next to him gingerly. Prongs didn't speak for several minutes until finally he could bear the silence no longer.

"You were right." James said, picking at the tablecloth. Remus eyes flickered over to his friend before gazing back at the teacup. "He can't remember anything since Frank's 21st birthday. I guess that's what he meant when he said something was missing."

Remus grip on the mug tightened, but other than that, he showed no signs of emotion. James swallowed nervously.

"The Healers said that since they don't know the exact spell, they can't reverse it, but it wasn't a Memory Charm. They suspect it was a combination of spells that caused it. They say his memory will probably come back to him eventually, but they don't know when."

Remus still didn't say anything, however he did move. He pushed the tea away and rubbed his hands together. After a second he found the gold ring on his finger and twisted it repeatedly. James watched his action, relieved that Remus was showing _some _emotion. He hated it when Remus went into lock-down—it scared the shit out of him.

James decided to not try and start a conversation anymore. When Remus wanted to say something, he would. It took almost ten minutes, but eventually, he did.

"He doesn't remember me." He said, so quietly that Prongs could barely hear him.

"What do you mean, 'he doesn't remember you'? Of course he remembers you! He's only missing five years, Rem."

Remus shook his head. "The last day he remembers is March 31st, 1980. Do you remember what happened seven months later?"

James furrowed his eyebrows, counting the months down on his fingers. "October 31st?" James chuckled. "Well, sure, I walked in on you and Pads…"

The smile disappeared off of his face. "Shit. I didn't even think of that… Moony… oh shit."

Remus didn't look at him, and slipped the wedding ring off of his finger. "I'm surprised he didn't notice it." He said, turning the band over in his finger. It was the ring Sirius had proposed with, knowing that Remus wouldn't want any diamonds or jewels of any sort. Remus had thought it'd be a waste to just replace it with another ring, so he had kept this ring and bought Padfoot an identical one for the ceremony. "That would've raised a few questions."

James gulped and stayed quiet for a second. "What are you going to do?"

For the first time since they started speaking, Remus looked at him. His amber eyes were shining with unshed tears and he shook his head.

"I guess I won't tell him for now. Wait 'til he gets released and all. Then, I—I, I don't know Prongs, I really don't know." His voice broke, and James wrapped his arms around his friend tightly.

James never was a big hugger, but Remus was, and he knew that all his friend really needed right now was a friendly embrace. It would've meant more coming from Padfoot, but, unfortunately, Sirius was unobtainable at the moment.

He hoped and prayed, with all his heart, that it wouldn't be that way for very much longer.


	4. Chapter 4

_**I know that you probably all hate me for keeping you waiting for so long, and I am SO dreadfully sorry! I've been away on vacation, and also had a bit of block in this chapter, but it's here now! I really hate writing filler chapters, but it needed to be written, so here it is. The next chapter will be out soon, because I am back now! I'm going to dedicate myself to this story, because I'd really like to get it out soon, before I'm swamped with school again. I love you all!**_

St. Mungo's kept Sirius for six more days, just to make sure that his situation didn't worsen. Remus returned every day that Padfoot was in the hospital, unable to stay away, but with every passing day, he found that he was distancing himself more and more from his husband. Every smile he gave Sirius was fake and insincere, every hug was forced and painful, and every conversation was awkward and wrong. So his visits, however constant, grew shorter every day. If Sirius had noticed the strange facade that had passed over his friend, he didn't say anything.

Six days after "The Incident", as it had come to be called, the Healers at St. Mungo's decided that there was nothing else to be done about Sirius' condition, and therefore they could not afford to keep him at the facility any longer. They had told Remus that if Sirius returned to his home and kept up his same old routines, his memory might come back to him.

Remus had scoffed at that. Same routines? Not very likely. Sirius' 'routines' consisted of him driving around on his flying motorcycle (which he now couldn't, due to the fact that he had recieved his liscense only four and a half years ago, so it didn't count any longer), going to work (which, again, he couldn't do, because he had forgotten so much of his training), and doing stupid, spontaneous, cheesy, wonderful things for Remus, which included buying him chocolate for no apparent reason, bringing him home flowers every Saturday, and shagging him senseless every chance they got. Now, Remus had no doubt in his mind that Sirius _could _do these things if he wanted, but, seeing as Sirius had no inkling about their relationship, he highly doubted that he would.

So Remus stored all these thoughts in the back of his mind, and tried to convince himself, as well as everyone else, that he was happy about Sirius' release.

* * *

"We still live here?" Sirius asked Remus in awe. They were standing in front of their apartment door, waiting for Remus to open the door. Remus gulped slightly and nodded.

"Um yeah… we never found a reason to move." He said awkwardly. Sirius smiled brightly.

"Great, I won't have to get used to a whole new place!" He said happily. Remus forced a smile at his enthusiasm, not near as optimistic as Sirius. Sirius looked around patiently, and Remus stood there, key in hand, staring at the doorknob, lost in thought. Sirius coughed timidly, jerking Remus out of his thoughts. Remus sheepishly unlocked the door and held open the door for Sirius.

Remus sighed as they stepped into their flat. It looked different, so empty, compared to what he was used to. As soon as Remus had heard of Sirius' release, he had gotten to work, packing away every hint of their relationship, storing pictures and other memories away in closets and cupboards that (he hoped) Sirius would never open. The pictures of him and Sirius were gone, replaced with old Marauder photos from their school years. James and Lily couldn't understand why Remus was doing this, and he found that he couldn't explain it to them. It seemed as though a part of him was scared, for reasons unknown to him and everyone else.

"It looks... cleaner than I remember it." Sirius said awkwardly. Remus looked around a bit, as did Sirius, before he set down his keys on the counter and moved towards the hall.

Remus opened up the door at the end of the hall and gestured towards it.

"So, this is your bedroom…" Remus said, before remembering that Sirius already knew this fact. Padfoot nodded with a small smile.

"I know." He gave a small shrug. Remus looked down quietly.

"Um, yeah. Sorry." He said. Sirius didn't say anything and just walked quietly into the room. He looked around and narrowed his eyes.

"It… it looks the exact same." He chuckled to himself. "I mean, small differences of course, but, it's pretty much just how I remember it."

He looked back at Remus, who was watching him worriedly. "I expected it to be loads different. I can't believe I never changed anything. I still have these old 70's Posters!" He exclaimed, laughing.

Remus looked around at the walls. Of course he never changed anything, he never found a need to. After they had gotten together, Sirius had stopped sleeping in this room. In fact, it had pretty much turned into their storage space.

Remus shot Sirius his best fake smile, waiting until the door had shut firmly to wipe it away. He turned to wall and leaned his head against it tiredly. He stood that way for a moment before turning and walking into the kitchen. He poured himself a cup of tea and grabbed a bar of chocolate before sitting down at the table, his thoughts blurring together and making him feel slightly nauseous. He sipped at the drink and was halfway throughhigh it who he realized that he had forgotten to put the teabag in, and was just drinking scalding hot water. He looked at his chocolate and wasn't surprised to see that it had expired four months ago. Giving up on his snacks, Remus abandoned the kitchen table and made his way to the hall bathroom. When he arrived, he leaned against the porcelain sink and stared emotionlessly into the mirror, the gears in his head turning without purpose. His reflection's eyes met his own, and suddenly, he felt tears running down his face.

Within a minute, his chest hurt from the shaky sobs and he felt sick. He wiped his eyes in order to be able to see and turned the faucet on the bathtub, letting hot water cascade fill the tub. free peeled off his sweater and went to take off his orange shirt before halting. Without a second thought, he stepped into the hto water, feeling the bottom of his denim jeans getting soaked by the water. During his school years, he always did this after a bad transformation, or a particularly hard exam.

He sank down to his knees, plugging the drain and turning the water off. He slowly leaned back, focusing on every inch of skin to get consumed in the tub.

Remus stayed that way for several minutes. He didn't let his mind wander to Sirius, or things related to Sirius, and instead thought about nothing but his breathing and the sound of the water every time he moved a mere centimeter. It was the most peace he had gotten all week.

Suddenly, without warning, his reverie was interrupted as the door banged open and a dark shaggy head popped in before landing on Remus.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't know you were in here." Sirius excused hastily, moving to leave. Remus dunked his head under the water, glad that tears couldn't show when you were drenched. He propped himself up and blinked rapidly.

"Um, no it's fine." He said quickly. Sirius looked back a bit embarrassed before he realized that Remus was still dressed. He smirked and closed the door behind him. He put the lid down on the toilet and sat down, looking fondly at Remus.

"I didn't realize you still did that." Sirius said. Remus looked down at his wet closed and shrugged.

"I like it. It's comforting." He bent his legs at the knee and scooted towards the bottom of the tub so he had enough room to lay his head in water.

"I know." Sirius said, his voice sounding all bubbly from under the water. Remus smiled before staring at the ceiling. Sirius looked around at the bathroom and picked at a piece of peeling paint. He said something, but the sound was too muffled from the bath water. Remus sat up and flicked the drain open before turning to Sirius again.

"Sorry, what was that?" He asked. Sirius shook his head.

"I just was saying you redid the bathroom. The walls are different." Remus narrowed his eyes and looked around.

"Really? I don't even remember what it used to be." He said, looking at the bright turquoise walls.

"It was white." Sirius said simply. Remus thought about it for a second before nodding in remembrance.

"Oh yeah. It was." He commented, smiling slightly. "You hated it." He continued as Sirius said at the same time, "I hated it."

They laughed for a second, and Remus shifted in the now-empty bathtub. He laid back down and pressed the bottom of his feet to the wall. They sat in silence for a moment for a second before Sirius got to his feet.

"I should probably let you relax." He said awkwardly. Remus sat straight up and grabbed a towel from the rack.

"No it's fine. I should probably help you, I'm being really rude right now." He said and Sirius smiled sadly at him.

"I'm not a guest, Remus." He said and Remus looked down, not sure what to say.

"Sorry." He muttered, feeling tears prick his eyes again. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up into Sirius' beautiful blue-grey eyes.

"No, Rem, I'm sorry. For putting you through this… I just can't help it…" He said, closing his eyes. Remus shook his head and pulled his… whatever Sirius was at the moment, into a tight embrace. Sirius shook with a suppressed sob and hugged Remus back, not caring that he was soaking wet.

Remus put a hand on the back of Sirius' neck, fingering the black locks delicately.

"It's okay..." He whispered in comfort. "It's okay, Pads, it's gonna be okay. It's not your fault."

He felt Sirius' shoulders shake, and he hugged him closer, trying to get rid of the tremor. "I'm scared, Rem..." Sirius whispered and Remus flinched. The last time he had heard that much pain in his partner's voice was in fifth year, when he had tried apologizing to Remus for betraying his condition to another student in their year.

"Shh... you'll remember, Sirius, I promise. One day, soon, it'll come back to you."

Sirius pulled away, his grey eyes shining with so much fear and pain that Remus had to force himself to keep from looking away. "And what if I don't, Moony? What if it's gone for good? Five years, Rem..." His voice broke off and his head dropped down in pure defeat. Remus gripped Sirius' shoulders tightly.

"Then you'll still have us. Prongs, Wormtail, Lily... you'll always have them." He pulled him into a hug again. _And me, _his mind added silently. _You will _**_always_** _have me._

_**Okay, sappy stupid ending, overall AWFUL chapter, yes I know. I just was so sick over rereading it over and over again, and I didn't want to keep you waiting, so I just posted it. It is truly crappy. But now I get to work on the next chapter, which I promise will be better and (hopefully) longer! I love you, and if you've stayed with me this long, power to you. Thank you for reading! R&R**__  
_


	5. Chapter 5

_**Yes, I'm alive! I don't know how to apologize enough for the wait, I know, I know, it's unacceptable. But here is chapter 5. I have not forgotten you guys. I promised to finish this story, and I will do that, even if it takes 50 years. Let's hope it doesn't take that long. (IT WON'T)**_

_**Also, this chapter is from Sirius' perspective, so it's a bit different. Alright, well, go on! Read (and review) your hearts out!**_

Sirius groaned and yanked his pillow out from under his head so he could smother his face in it to block out the sunlight that was streaming through his window. He lay there for a moment before giving in and tossing the pillow away. He stared up at the white ceiling for a moment, trying to think of what he should do today. He glanced at his calendar to see what weekday it was before his eyes slipped down to the year.

1985. Sirius' chest ached and he turned back over. Every night he went to bed, hoping it had all been a bad dream, and every morning he was disappointed.

Sirius got out of bed, already in an awful mood. He pulled on a sweater, immediately freezing, even though the heater was on. Remus had always joked that Sirius was cold-blooded.

Sirius brightened at the thought of the werewolf. Remus used to have a knack for cheering Sirius up, and even though five years had passed, Sirius was sure that couldn't have changed.

"Moony? He called wonderingly. There was no reply. He sighed and walked to the kitchen. On the table there was an empty mug that he didn't recognize holding a small piece of paper to the surface. He picked up the cup and removed the note from beneath.

_ Padfoot,_

_ I forgot to tell you yesterday, I have to go to work today, so that's why I'm not there. I have to interview a bloke, and then go to a meeting with my boss, so I'll be home around three o'clock or so. I think James went in for work today, but Lily's most likely at her house if you need anything. If she's not, or you need to contact me, I still have my work phone (the 613 number). Don't get into any more trouble. There's food in the fridge._

_ ~Moony_

_ PS- The green pitcher is total shit, so be careful if you use it._

Sirius sighed, and went to open the fridge. _So much for cheering me up_, he thought bitterly.

He found some bacon and a scone wrapped in some foil. He also grabbed a pitcher from the fridge filled with orange juice, which was probably what Rem was talking about in his letter. He narrowed his eyes and tilted his head, thinking that the pitcher was definitely more blue than green, but that might've been his brain just wanting to contradict Remus. Sirius shrugged and set down his breakfast before moving to the cupboard to get a glass. He frowned as he saw that the cabinet only contained plates. He tried another one, and sighed to see that it was full of cooking bowls. Finally, Sirius opened the last cabinet and removed a glass. It was a simple enough mistake, but it irked Sirius that he couldn't even find the cups in his own home.

He poured some orange juice into the glass, and swore when the juice spilled out along the edges of the pitcher, getting all over his pants and the floor. He'd forgotten all about Remus' warning. Brilliant.

It took Sirius five whole minutes to find the drawer where the dishtowels were placed. He sighed and collapsed on a chair. This was going to take a long time to get used to.

* * *

Sirius flipped through the channels on the muggle telly, glaring at every program that went by. After seeing nothing but weather channels, infomercials, and children's cartoons that frankly creeped him out, he pelted the remote at the television set and threw himself back on the red couch, punching a throw pillow angrily.

Sirius had spent eleven years, plus several summers, stuck in the Black Mansion, which his snotty brother, cold father, and batty mother. He'd been locked in cupboards for being bad, even held in the basement for two days before he finally apologized to his mother for being bad. But all of those years couldn't even compare to how trapped he felt right now.

He felt like a child, the way his friends would dance around him, whisper behind his back as if he didn't know what they were talking about. He saw every sideways glance, felt every delicate touch on his shoulder, as if they were afraid he'd break if they actually touched him. He couldn't stand it anymore. He wanted to get out, but he knew that if he went off on his own, he might run into someone that he was supposed to know, and they were trying to keep his "condition" quiet since they lived in a muggle neighborhood.

Sirius punched the pillow one last time before getting to his feet hastily and stomping over to the kitchen. He needed a drink.

He yanked open the liquor cabinet, or at least, what should be the liquor cabinet. Sure enough, it was filled with fancy dishes- Rem's, no doubt- and jars full of jam, sauces, and spices. Sirius stared at the objects, lip quivering from anger. In a second, he grabbed one of the fancy saucers and threw it to the ground, watching as it smashed into a million pieces. He grabbed one of the glass jars, half-filled with red jelly and threw it at the opposite wall, not even cringing at the piercing sound that resonated through the house. Glass and chips of paint fell to the ground as jam flew everywhere, landing on Sirius as well as the entire kitchen.

Sirius threw two more saucers, one small jar of cinnamon, and a china teacup before backing up into a corner and sinking down to the floor. The floor was littered in all sorts of things, and Sirius felt porcelain crack underneath his bare feet. He hugged his knees tightly and started counting, something that always helped calm him down. He felt like a little boy again, counting each second, waiting for every hectic thing in his life to die down.

Just as he reached forty-seven, there was a loud crash in the living room, and he heard a woman's voice

"Stupid vase, every single time. _Reparo. _Sirius, honey? Remus told me to come check on y…Sirius?" Lily Evans stuck her head into the kitchen. Her green eyes raked over the mess before falling on him. He didn't say anything, just looked down at the floor pathetically. She gaped at him for a second before walking over to him and crouching down.

"Come on. Up you get." Sirius looked up at her and was relieved to see a small smile gracing her lips. He let himself get pulled up to his feet and Lily shook her head at him.

"You never could just punch a pillow, could you? Always had to leave a hurricane in your wake." For some reason, Sirius smiled at this. She grinned at him, and it didn't look like one of those sad smiles Remus sometimes gave him, or a fake grin like James gave him. It was just Lily's smile- real and comforting, and Sirius had never been more grateful for her. "Now let's get this mess cleaned up before Remus has a mental breakdown. Actually, no; _I'll _clean this up, you go take a shower. You smell like a dog."

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, Lily and Sirius sat at the round kitchen table, which Lily had promptly returned to his stain-free state. Sirius ran a hand through his damp hair, waiting for the lecture that was sure to come. They sat in silence for a moment, before Lily spoke up.

"Let's go on a walk." Sirius frowned. That wasn't what he had expected to hear. She grinned and shrugged. "It's a gorgeous afternoon, and we need to get you out of this flat."

He thought of retorting, of saying he was perfectly fine without her help, but he stayed silent. He did need her help, to be honest, and he _did_ need to get out of this place. So he nodded and fetched a coat before joining Lily.

They walked down the road, which wasn't very crowded since most people were at work. Lily talked as they wandered, and Sirius listened. At times she would ask him a quick question, and he would respond with another question, which would lead her on to another story. The air was crisp and cool, a slight breeze shaking the trees and causing their hair to dance slightly. Sirius watched Lily as she talked animatedly, hands gesturing wildly as she told stories about James, or Harry, a topic that saddened Sirius a bit, since he didn't even remember his own godson, but judging by Lily's tales, Harry was just how Sirius thought he would be- a mini Prongs. She explained how he sometimes spent the day at the Weasleys' house, and how he exploded an entire tea set because he was so excited that they were going to have ice cream, which Sirius laughed at.

Sirius spotted an old bakery that he and Remus used to visit, and he grinned at the fact that it was still there. He pulled Lily inside and they ended up buying some tea and having a small lunch of sandwiches and salad. After lunch, they ventured off again, going further from the town until reaching a small park by a pond.

The two friends reached an old rickety swing set, which Lily practically threw herself in happily. Sirius grinned at her enthusiasm and sat down in the swing next to her, wrapping his hands around the cold, rusty chain as he rocked back and forth. Lily looked over at him and smiled before looking at the ground.

"Sorry I'm talking so much." She said, and she sounded quite genuine. Sirius looked at her and shook his head.

"It's fine, Lily. I like listening to you." He said, and was surprised at how true that statement was. It was relaxing, to listen to someone instead of being questioned nonstop.

"I've missed this, you know." She said, causing Sirius to frown. She looked at him and decided to continue. "I mean, you and James are always at work, and Remus is always trying to finish one of his crazy deadlines, and I just missed being able to… talk to someone, you know? Merlin, I sound pathetic." She laughed and kicked at the ground.

Sirius chuckled and shook his head. "No, you actually don't."

"Yes I do. I sound completely selfish, because I know that you three have lives… or at least, you and Remus have lives, James really doesn't because he's married to me, and I know I act so clingy sometimes, I'm just kind of terrified he's going to wonder why the hell he pined after me for so long, because I'm really not worth-"

"_Evans." _Sirius cut in with her old name, stopping her mid-sentence. She looked at him a bit sheepishly, and he smiled at her. "First of all, you're not pathetic, you're amazing, and probably the best bird I've ever met." Lily smiled a bit at this. "Secondly, James isn't going to wonder why he pined after you, because he knows perfectly well why. You're beautiful, and stubborn, and intelligent, and 'Merlin's gift to humanity', or at least that's what Prongs says." They both laughed. "Seriously, if you hadn't of stopped by today, I probably would've demolished the entire kitchen."

Lily looked at him, and they shared sad smiles. He wanted to say thank you, but he figured she already knew. Suddenly, she seemed to remember something, and she glanced down at her watch.

"Oh crap, it's 3:20!" She exclaimed, jumping up from the swing. "We've been gone nearly two hours."

Sirius got to his feet as well, remembering that Remus was supposed to be home twenty minutes. "Shit, Remus is probably freaking out…" he muttered.

Lily glanced around looking for any people. There was a small family eating at a nearby picnic table, and she sighed. "Come on." She started dragging him towards the small bath building.

"Where are we going?" He asked her suspiciously.

"We need to Apparate, but there's people here." She hissed back. Sirius glanced at the family. The mother was looking at them strangely, so Sirius just smiled innocently at them and allowed himself to get dragged into the women's restroom.

After Lily checked under all the stalls to make sure it was vacant, she grabbed Sirius' forearm and closed her eyes as they Disapparated.

* * *

Turns out Remus' meeting had been cancelled, and he had ended up getting home at two o'clock. Lily had done the smart thing, and hadn't stuck around to watch.

Remus had immediately ambushed Sirius with a hug, and then proceeded to attack him with a couch pillow. Now Sirius was seated on the couch awkwardly as Remus paced back and forth as he lectured.

"…couldn't even leave a note, could you? No, you had to run off with Lily without a second thought, and leave me to wonder where the fuck you'd gone…"

Sirius tuned out Remus' voice. It wasn't that he didn't feel bad. He did. He just didn't want to hear something that Remus had already said ten minutes previously.

Remus eventually drifted off, probably after seeing that Sirius wasn't paying attention anymore. Sirius looked over as he felt the werewolf sit beside him on the couch. Remus looked over and gave him an apologetic smile.

"Sorry about all that." He said quietly. Sirius sighed and smiled back at him, shrugging his shoulders.

"Did you have a good day, then?" Remus asked after an awkward pause. Sirius nodded silently. Remus opened his mouth to speak before changing his mind and pulling something out of his pocket.

"You smoke?" Sirius asked, staring at the cigarette box. Remus looked over at him, looking more than a bit guilty.

"Oh, erm, yeah." He said. Sirius frowned. Besides the occasional fag at school, Remus had never smoked. Sirius realized that Remus was staring at him, so he brightened up.

"Oh. Mind if I have one too?" He asked. Remus looked at him for a second with an unreadable expression before handing him a cigarette. He then pulled out his wand and muttered a small spell to light them both.

Sirius brought the cig up to his lips, inhaling deeply before letting out a long breath. Remus did the same, and Sirius watched as the smoke from the two mouths intertwined and curled through the air. Sirius leaned back into the cushions and relaxed, letting the cigarette dangle from his lips. Remus looked the exact opposite, elbows resting on his knees, shoulders tense and guarded. Sirius suddenly wondered when the full moon would be.

He asked Remus as much. "Oh, not for two more weeks." Remus responded easily, as if talking about the weather. Sirius' eyebrows creased as he watched the other man. He looked so tired, so weary, so…old. Sirius hated the thought, but he knew it was true. He didn't remember Remus being this worrisome all the time, and it caused Sirius to worry as well.

Remus looked up at him and smiled. "Want some tea?" He asked. Sirius grinned, all thoughts of worry vanishing from his mind.

"There's the Moony I know and love." He said. He thought he saw Remus' smile waver for a second, but in a second Remus punched his arm and went to the kitchen. Sirius laughed and took another drag of his cigarette.

He watched Remus as he made the tea, being in the perfect place to watch without being observed back, seeing as Remus' back was to the living room. As Remus turned around to get a teabag, Sirius watched how he bit his lip and saw every strand of hair that fell into the brunette's eyes.

Sirius swallowed and immediately turned away. Now was really not the time to go back to that stupid… _crush. _Sirius cringed at the word. Ever since that stupid End of School Party in 7th year when Remus had to kiss a dumb Hufflepuff in a game of Truth or Dare, Sirius had started to… notice things about his friend. Like how he could always make Sirius laugh. How his eyebrows creased when he was reading a good novel. How he would grab Sirius' hand during a scary movie… and how much Sirius never wanted to let go.

And sure, that party only seemed like two years ago to Sirius, but it had been _seven years_. Sirius was sure that those feelings had been long since quenched. And if not… well, if something were going to happen between them, it would have happened by now. And if it had, Sirius would know about it.

Right?


End file.
